Resolve

It’s the beginning of the new year, so it’s time for resolutions and reflections. When I woke up this morning, I thought the following:
I am happy to be waking up in a warm bed, in a cozy dwelling. I am not hungry, I am not sick, I am alive and I can see the sunlight on the trees and the snow outside, making them sparkle. I have two beautiful children who dazzle me with their growing and person-ness. I have family who loves me and tries to take care of me. I have a few friends, just enough, who support me and love me in everything I do. I have a mind that thinks and creates and dreams and loves impossibly beautiful things.
Everything that I need or I want in this world is possible for me to grasp.
I am so very fortunate.
I just need to remember, and truly believe that. That is my resolution for this year. I will believe that I am fortunate, that I am beautiful just the way that I am. I will do the things that make me happy, and work from a sense of purpose rather than a sense of duty. I will believe in my friends’ dreams and cheer them on as they climb. I will listen more. I will encourage my children and try to be the example. I will be my heart, I will listen to it and appreciate that it is unique and crazy and marvelous.
And I will try to ignore the parts of me, and the parts of others, who tell me different.
All the best for 2013. It will be a good year

Winter's gone

The season changed suddenly and I am trying to find the words to express that lightness and calm that the warmth brings to my body, melting the tension in my shoulders and mind as it melts the last remaining piles of snow and ice from the shadows. The smells of the earth and the trees waking up and everything coming alive again makes the entire city invigorated and enthusiastic. People are smiling more, people are outside raking their lawns, playing on the sidewalks, congregating on porches as the evening light stays longer. We are all one in spirit in the great communal relief that winter has left for another 9 months.
And my heart is wandering from place to place looking for a solid place to land and yet rejoicing in the soft breeze that is keeping it aloft. Perhaps I will let it hover on the currents a while longer.

Spring reflections

Spring is coming and there was a warm, sweet breeze blowing across my face yesterday morning as I crossed the grey parking lot. I looked down at the puddles and marvelled at the stark reflections of the dark, bare tree branches against the pavement. I cursed not having my proper camera, but pulled out the old iphone and took a series of shots all over at all angles. One man stopped to watch and see what I was doing. He was amazed that I could find anything so beautiful on such a sullen day. But that is what I love to do best I think :-)
Part of me has turned upside down as well it seems. While I share most people's feelings of spring hope and anticipating the end of the winter, I am also moody, because I know that I am due for more change, and I am tired of negotiating with myself for it. I know what is in my heart and what isn't, and I am mad at myself for trying to justify it, waffling in the spring breeze and hoping I will suddenly wake up and everything will be different, that I will be content and sensible.
One puddle does not make a spring. There is so much beauty to see everywhere and in everyone, especially in the places where you least expect to find it. I can no more stop seeing it than I can stop breathing, and spring's light and warmth are making my eyes and heart restless for more.