being me is exhausting

Just spent nearly half an hour with my arm trapped in a radiator.

Something pretty because I can't end the day like this

Ich bin bei dir, du seist auch noch so ferne, du bist mir nah!
Die Sonne sinkt, bald leuchten mir die Sterne.

and because I need a laugh:

I love you, I love you
I love rhythm and rhyme.
But I have problems with meter
So let me start over and try this again one more time.
-Matthew P. Barnson

I love you, I love you,
So what if you worked yourself into a tizzy?
To have your manager give you the shaft,
I'm sorry, I didn't hear, were you busy?

To the woman in the black Hyundai this morning

Do you really think that driving while putting on your makeup is ever a good idea? Not only did you terrorize your fellow drivers with the weaving and sudden braking, but I'm guessing from the wild arms movements that you showed up at work looking like a clown, which I'm also guessing is not your profession because I didn't see a red nose when you cut through two lanes of traffic and back again for no apparent reason.
You will now be known as The Menace with the Mascara Brush.

To the man with all his arms and legs who got on the elevator with me and pressed "2"

Take the feckin' stairs you lazy ass!!!!

To some of the ladies who share the washroom on my floor

If you insist on doing the standing mambo while you pee, please wipe the seat.
Don't be disgusting, or if you do, just use the men's room.
Thanks.

Adventures in dumbness

Locked my keys in the car with the motor running. That takes a special kind of "special".....
An hour later the CAA guy showed up and popped the door open in about 1 minute. Luckily, gas is cheap today.

To the person microwaving popcorn at 10:30am

What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously dude, don't you have a lunch? Save the waves of fake buttery smell wafting through my office until the afternoon when I can stomach it.....