Concern for personal safety

Seen on my way to work today:
40ish guy on a bicycle wearing a helmet and a big gas mask (the kind you use when you're painting a car or under terrorist attack). He passed me and went right through a red light without even slowing down. Is this so his lungs would be clean in case he gets hit by a bus?

Arghhhh

I miss Ben!!! Steve's having a great time at home with him and I'm very jealous. It took all morning to get a computer and a phone, but I have these things finally and now I must get to work. I'm looking at all the stuff, and it seems vaguely familiar, and everyone's still very nice.
It feels so surreal to be here, almost as though nothing's really changed. Actually, looking at my old projects, not much has actually changed. Driving to work was weird, what is this thing called traffic? I'd forgotten all about that. I can't wait to leave here and get home and kiss my Boo. The only things I brought with me this morning were a coffee mug and two pictures of Ben for my desk. The coffee is still really awful, shouldn't have bothered with the mug.

Comments

I'm not sure that I'm all that happy with the new Blogger comments. It seems like you have to either sign up for an account or post as anonymous. I tried to put my old system back, but I've forgotten the password, so I had to set up a new one. I've left blogger comments on, but put the old ones back as well. We'll have a race and see who wins :-)

Last day

I had a post half-written yesterday, but it got deleted. The weekend was a combination or lazing, errands, and working at the folks'. We also watched Big Fish, which I quite enjoyed. Yesterday, Ben and I went out for a long walk and went to the park where we met up with Maggie, Colin, and Robert. It was a beautiful day yesterday, warm and sunny. The apple blossoms are out, and the trees are exploding in pinks and whites. The smell is intoxicating. Today, it is grey and rainy and my poor Ben isn't settling in for his morning nap. Steve lowered his crib last night, and it seems too strange for our little man. We are going to attempt to let him sleep there, all by himself, one night this week. He already takes his naps in his crib. Today is also my last day at home with Ben. I had hoped for a nice one, but it seems not in the cards. I'm very anxious about returning to work and not seeing him all day. The longest I've been away from him since he was born is about four hours. I do not know how I'm going to feel at noon tomorrow, but I'm sure that if I have an internet connection, you'll be able to read it here.

I'm not big-boned

Last night was a bit of a bust. I fell asleep singing Ben to sleep. I was planning on getting a bit more done. I've come to the realisation that none of my pre-maternity clothes really fit properly yet. This means that I will be wearing my not-pregnant-looking maternity clothes to the office next week, because I refuse to buy bigger clothes. I figure that if I get truly comfortable, then I'll never lose the weight. I'm thinking about doing weightwatchers. When I was about 20, I did weightwatchers with three other friends and it was fun and I lost about ten pounds. Back in those days, the plan was based on the food guide, so it was broken down into so many proteins, breads, veggies, fruits, dairy, fats and I think some extras for blowing on ice cream sundaes once a week. Now, they have 'points'. As far as I can tell, this means that you could blow all of your points eating chocolate cake and then starve for the rest of the day. This doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I checked out some of the sample recipes on the ww site, and they don't seem to have the old system calculations, but the recipes look very tasty, mushroom and wild rice stew, potato-wrapped salmon, and key lime pie! Maybe I'll get the cookbook and have a go!

An Eeyore moment

It's a beautiful day and I'm trying not to get too stressed out about returning to my stinky job. I know that once I'm back, it will be fine and it's not like I'll be working as hard as before I left. I promise that I will stop being bitter and negative about the whole thing soon, because it's tiresome and no one needs to hear about it, but right now I'm just so mad and disappointed and hurt, really.
Ben and I will go out for a walk when he wakes up and I'll feel better.

Me, Ben, Mirella, and Vincent at the park 

Oof

If you've heard a dull thumping this afternoon, somewhat akin to the clubbing of a baby seal, that would be me getting totally screwed over by the company that I work for. I start back to work next Wednesday, with zero benefits and security and absolutely no loyalty whatsoever. I am currently open to any offers to make an honest tech writer of me. That's right, I'm a mercenary now, I'm only in it for the money and camaraderie of my equally screwed over colleagues. European companies suck just as much as North American :-)

In the hopes of getting back into the mindset of a tech writer, I found this.
I have just finished several hours (interspersed with naps, playtime, feeding, and other such Ben activities) of peeling and cutting up carrots, leeks, parsnips, rutabagas, and squash for Ben's food. Making your own babyfood is easy, and certainly cheaper, but the prep is somewhat tedious. I made lentils with carrots, leek, and squash earlier today that he loved. I'm hoping that tomorrow I can get some other meals done and in the freezer, and that he likes to eat them. Last week I tried macaroni and cheese, but he didn't like it, so I ate it. He seems to have a problem with textures. He's hated bananas from day one, and I can tell it's because they're slimey. He doesn't like avocado for the same reason. I'm trying to switch him over to foods in chunks that he can pick up, but so far he's refused cooked carrots, zucchini, squash (his favorite puree), and potato. He loves all of these when smooth. Maybe he just needs a few more teeth. On the other hand, he loves cheerios and toast. I guess that he'll get the hang of it eventually, I can't see him at 20 carrying around a blender everywhere so that he can suck all his meals through a straw.

My Dad is finally home! We went to see him yesterday, and he's looking so much happier already. It is also much more comfortable to visit, especially with Ben. We just hung out in the livingroom playing on the floor. Steve's mom and brother came for a visit this past week. It was too short, but we loved having them here and Ben enjoyed all the extra attention.
Looks like I may have my job back after all. A few of my colleagues are leaving, which leaves a few spaces open. I've also heard that since the company posted a profit, they're probably not going to start layoffs - yay! Steve is starting to get excited again about staying home with Ben. They want me to come back part-time this month-ugh! I'm trying to work starting again around the 17 or so. Steve's mom said that she would come back and stay while we're transitioning between my part-time and full-time and Steve staying home which is a huge help! All we need to do is get her to master unfolding the stroller:-) I'm a bit freaked out about going back to work. I like my job, but if someone handed me a winning lottery ticket I'd be out of there pretty quick. It's going to be so weird not being near Ben all the time. I'm wondering if I'll be able to concentrate on my job, or even remember what I was doing before I left! I think that I created sentences out of engineer mumblings, but I'm not sure....

New update
Dad's doing ok. He's been up on the ward for almost a week and he's been walking a bit almost every day. He's had a bit of an infection, which we're concerned about, but if the doctors manage to get that fixed, he'll be able to go home in another week or so. I've been driving out almost everyday - that's 325km round trip. I know every pothole and dead animal on the highway now. Ben's been a very good sport about the whole thing and has slept in the car and entertained his Poppy and kept up his spirits. Today we are at home because I'm pooped and there's a ton of stuff to get done around here. Ben is also kinda out of sorts today, I think he's cutting a new tooth. We are also weaning because he's just losing interest in the boobs and since he's bitten me three times now, I'm starting to think that it's not so bad. At the same time, my heart breaks a little each time he refuses to breastfeed, sigh.....sniff, sniff.

Update
After seven hours of surgery, my Dad is in ICU and recovering. It's still too early to predict anything, but the surgical team said that it went pretty well. We are very lucky, the aortic aneurysm could have burst at anytime and would have meant almost certain death. I can't thank the radiologist who caught the problem while reviewing the x-rays, and the surgical team at the CHU in Sherbrooke for moving so quickly. He's awake this morning, but just in and out. It's going to be a long recovery. Thank you to everyone for your positive mental vibes :-)

I love taking my son out and about. Yesterday, we went down to Old Montreal to pick up Steve from work, and then downtown to a bookstore. Because we weren't going on a long expedition, Steve carried him around. Ben starts rocking excitedly when you walk with him outside. He loves looking at the people, and the buildings, and just everything. He likes it when Steve carries him even more because he has a higher perspective. So, he rocks, he smiles and he laughs, but what I really get a kick out of is all the attention he receives. He seems to know just who will make a big fuss over him. He loves women, but he'll also single out the men who will make funny faces and stick out their tongues. I guess that it's hard to turn down a face as cute as this:

Sometimes he chooses the most unlikely people, biker guys, rigid businessmen, or teenage boys. He almost always gets a positive response for his troubles. I know that at some point I am going to have to teach Ben about strangers, but it breaks my heart to think that one day he's going to have to know that there are bad people and dangers in this world. Every parent in the world must feel this way.

Happy Easter!

from Ozzy the Easter Bunny

Congrats!
A big WOOHOO to Lisa and her incredible proposing fiancé!

The day of no naps
Ben decided not to have naps today, and I've discovered how much I need his naps to get anything done. He wasn't in a bad mood, just not tired, at all, no matter what I did or fed him. I did finally give up and let him play on his mat while I got a few chores done. I also made a marvelous banana bread with pecans that filled the house with the most glorious smell! Ben conked out after supper and some nursing around 7:00, and I fully expect him to stay that way until 6:30am.
Ben's bottom teeth are coming in, you can just see them peaking through the gums. So far, he hasn't bitten me while he's nursing, let's keep our fingers crossed! The weekend was great, except for the snow on Sunday. We did a lot around the house, got Ben's new car seat, had a short visit to a park (Ben's first), and had dinner with our friends Dan and Libby who we haven't seen for a bit.

The car seat was a bit of a pain. Last weekend our friends with a slightly younger son mentioned they had to change car seats, and sure enough, when we returned home and I looked at the manual, I realised that we were overdue for a larger seat. Oops! So, I get on the internet and start researching convertible car seats (ones that are rear-facing until 1 year and then forward-facing until 40lbs), because you can't get help at the big toy store or department stores. I narrow it down to two seats. One is made in the UK and REALLY expensive, the other is made in the states and reasonably priced and just as safe. There is a third choice which seems to be widely available and used by many friends, but I was more interested in the second seat. I went looking for the second seat and couldn't find it anywhere. After phoning the company's head office in Ohio, I learn that they don't import it to Canada. Ah! So that leaves me with the third choice, which seems to be the only game in town. We couldn't afford the UK seat, and I couldn't find anyone that even sold it in Montreal. I found a decent, smaller store where the saleslady really knew a lot about car seats and was exceedingly helpful. We paid about twenty dollars more for the seat, but I prefer to keep a smaller store in business where you can get service over that cold mega toy store.

Oh, piss ant
I just returned from my visit to my office where I learned that I probably don't have a job to return to, sigh....
Anybody need a senior tech writer?

Ah Spring! This is what we are saying today because the temperature is shooting up to an unnatural 16C! It's also supposed to rain, but who cares? 16C! People will be out in their shorts and shedding coats and boots. Ben and I have errands to run today. I finally got around to mounting the chalkboard in the kitchen, so I even have a few things written down where I can see them. I feel so much more organized! I may even stop by my office to see my coworkers and enjoy the fact that I don't have to be back there for a couple of months. It seems hard to believe that I have to go back and not be with Ben all day. Steve and I decided that we would try to have one of us home for as long as we could manage, so Steve will be taking his turn at home when I go back. It's a shame that his company won't allow him to work part-time, but he'll probably be able to do some small contracts so we won't be a total single income household.
The funeral service for my grandmother was very nice. The minister knew her well and so it was very personal, and the eulogy given by my cousin was wonderful. All the grandkids got up and said something, mine was short and sobby - I've never been good at composure when it comes to stuff like this. I took Ben up with me though, which I hope distracted people from my shortcomings as a public speaker. I don't think that it's quite sunk in. I'm sure that when Easter comes, I'll buy her some lillies and daffodils like I always do.

My grandmother died this morning. She was an amazing lady. She spoke more than eight languages, she never complained about having two bum hips that caused her to walk with two canes and later a walker, or her gradual loss of hearing and eyesight, or even the bone cancer that was slowly eating away at her body. She loved her garden, animals, books, and the birds that came to her feeders. She was a very patient and extremely kind woman and she loved life. She made the best pickles I've ever tasted and was a pretty shrewd business woman.
I was her first grandchild, the one who received her name. She made tapes of her telling stories so that I would know her even though we lived far away. When I was older and lived closer, she told me stories of how she came to Canada and met my grandfather, toured Europe on a motorcycle, made it through the depression and the war, and eventually learned how to be a country wife.
I wish that she could have lived forever.

I have many things to do, but Ben's decided to take many naps today, so I have some time to blog. This weekend we got quite a bit done and even managed to relax a bit here and there. On Monday we drove out to the townships to see my grandmother who is in the hospital with double pneumonia. We spent the day there and visited in between her naps. I'm glad that we went because her condition has worsened and now she's not very coherent and essentially shutting down. I feel so sad for her, because I know that she was not ready for this. I'm glad that Ben got to hold his great-grandma's fingers and that she knew he was there. So sad.

Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.


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