Don't spitting at any where!

Don't spitting at any where!
Originally uploaded by madmaclean

I feel the same way sometimes......

Ben update

I haven't been writing about it, but Ben's having a blast with his grandparents and uncle this week. It's weird just having one of the kids around, but at the same time it's been oddly ok. I guess it's because he deserves a vacation and I'm just so happy that he's able to have one. Money and work schedules have kind of made my taking any time off right now impossible. I would have loved to take the kids away for a week to a beach, but it's not gonna happen, so knowing that Ben is having a great time and doing lots of fun activities makes me feel better. Of course Naomi hasn't had anything, which was also pointed out to me by a couple of the daycare ladies this morning, like I don't feel bad enough. Maybe I can get a couple of long weekends to do something, but I know it's not enough. Sigh.... this will get better......

supper

I barely slept, my mind flying around like a big fat bumblebee collecting thoughts, ideas, fears, hopes, landing for a moment then taking off again, moving on to the next, then the next. This was my first sleepless night here and I'm not ready to start this up again.

no one picks on my landlady

So I'm working from home today because I get more done and could not drag myself into the office. I'm typing away when I hear a ladder rattling outside and some guy climbing the side of the house. Another guy is talking to my landlady on the ground. This isn't her usual handyman, so I immediately started to pay attention. In this neighbourhood, guys come to your door and make up stories, charge the owners stupid amounts of money to fix something, and leave without a trace. They prey on older people, especially widows. I started listening to them and didn't like the way they were pressuring her, so I grabbed some mail from the previous tenants I've been meaning to give her and went downstairs. The next-door neighbour was also out by this point, and we started asking the talking guy questions. He acted all insulted, packed up his ladder, and left.
You picked the wrong lady to hustle you bastard - hope you fall off the next roof.

the girls can cook

The gorgeous Melissa came over last night with flowers and wine and while I prattled on about my life and finished up the chicken salad, she prepared the peaches and the sauce based on my "the first rule of Dina's kitchen is there are no rules" philosophy. Peaches, butter, cinnamon, brown sugar, rum - bake - wow so good with that homemade vanilla ice cream! She coming over to make that for me again!
We had a great meal and the wine went down easy as we sat in the diningroom until late talking and talking.
Girlfriends always make you realise what a kickass person you are, and I needed a little of that. What would I do without my friends? We talked about people coming into your life for a reason, and relationships, and her new duplex, and her fantastic new guy, and life and the endless possibilities that await us. Live here, live now, because you never know when it's gonna stop. Leap, try, dream, do that crazy thing you've been thinking of, embrace the time you have.
Ok, stopping now....geez Dina, get a grip....

Wednesday morning

Yes, I do look this good when I get up in the morning. Scary ain't it?

status report

Still uck. Huge gaping hole that is not going away. Ignoring it for now, but it's getting bigger, probably the white sauce.....
Looking forward to dinner with M tonight and hanging out. Finally a hot day and I'm sleeveless (with a sweater of course, dumb office a/c) and thinking I need more coffee.
More as my brain unfolds...

Did I say throw out the white sauce? I meant, take some, mix it with crushed tomatoes and pesto and serve over leftover pasta with fresh basil. Ummmm yeah, that'll fix my little problem with the scale...
Still feeling so uck. Went for a run, then I was tired and uck. Came home, went out and did groceries at my favorite grocery store. Felt a bit better. Got some divine olives and feta.
Melissa's coming over for supper tomorrow night and has requested the Indonesian chicken salad, so I got fixins for that, how could I say no?
I made a zucchini and spinach soup tonight - nice and green tasting, not too heavy and it'll keep me from buying lunch this week. I'm now making some ice cream to have for dessert tomorrow, I'm thinking it would be wonderful with some grilled fresh peaches, summer, I love you!
Must run tomorrow, a lot....... I think that I'm almost due for new shoes. I've got roughly 700km on these I think, that's averaging it out to 25km a week since January. I felt a twinge in my heel today and my knee's been acting up a bit but I think that's the weather. When did I get old?

Note to my brain: if you could please pick a mood and stay there for more than 10 minutes I'd really appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Me

I'm sitting here with a smile on my face and drowning inside. I hate this.

We are having the most PHENOMENAL storm here right now, lightening almost constantly, bursting through the clouds like fireworks. I turned off my lights and I'm out on my porch enjoying the show.
Wow!
Love it if you all could see this with me, the feeling is almost indescribable. How amazing the world is.....

I will not beat myself up because I'm up 4lbs. I will however be dumping the rest of that white sauce I made.....evil stuff......why must butter and cream love my ass so much?
Today was a hard day for only small apparent reasons. Much suckage.....all aboard the pity party express, I hope there's cake.
And then I sat down and made jewelery and playdoh things and felt much better, even if I will now be vacuuming up dried playdoh and beads for the next year.

I have zero patience today and I took my kid to a mall. What the fuck did I think would happen?
Hating myself a little, Naomi's getting lots of ice cream.....
Curl up, ball, help.

sitting around the castle in my pjs eating cereal and watching crap tv, I mean happily ever after

Spent the afternoon at the pool hanging with the girl before we came home for some Cinderella and supper. I tried an experiment with supper. I poached some chicken and shredded it and set it aside, cooked some whole wheat egg noodles and made a white sauce. The kids don't like tomato-based sauces, but I figured that a white sauce might go over well. I added some freshly-grated parmesan to the sauce and grated some carrots and cut up some cucumbers and an orange pepper and served everything to her unmixed with some sauce in a little bowl on the side. Mine I mixed and added some crushed tomatoes and a few extra seasonings. As you can probably guess, she decided she hated the whole thing and finally ate the chicken and the cucumbers. Sigh.....
Well, it was worth a shot.
Watched this movie with Helen Hunt tonight. I always liked Mad About You, but she kinda dropped off the map. She's gotten really thin and her face looks sunken. I think that's how I was starting to look when I got too thin and I was all stressed, ok, not skeletal like Hunt, but on my way there, she's way too thin. I've still got my thighs and butt and little rolls and stuff, I'm not in danger of being emaciated anytime soon. It wasn't the best movie in the world, and after watching Cinderella I can see that in some ways my 35 or so years of movie watching really hasn't changed a great deal. Always the prince we're looking for, always that man who just shows up on cue and loves us almost instantly. That idea fell away for me in my twenties, perhaps a bit earlier and I've fought that idea for so long in my adult life, the idea that there's a person out there who wants to be with you so much he'll scour a kingdom with a glass shoe, slay a dragon, search without end till he finds you sleeping in the forest with a bunch of strange short men. I've always told myself that you don't marry the person that you can't live without, you marry the person that you can live with, even when they're being a real asshole. In the end that works for a lot of people, but it's never gonna work for me. When you stop believing you stop looking, stop hoping, stop knowing that there could be someone out there who would bring that shoe to your door, who would change the world in even a small, clever, surprising way because they want to be with you so much. The royalty and the palace stuff is bunk though.... but a good princess always has a half-decent stock portfolio and RRSPs.

afternoon napping on a great big bed

Sitting in my ex's living room waiting for the in-laws to come and get Ben for a week of fun and games in Ottawa. He's only ever been away from us for one night – ever. This is going to be weird. This is the kind of stuff that he'll remember when he's older. I was never close to my grandmothers. I never liked my dad's mom, she was a hard lady, and pretty mean. I loved my mom's mom, but she kept her emotions in check a lot, that was just her way. My kids are lucky to have all four grandparents and to have such great relationships with them.
Yesterday was a down day. I eventually went for a run and then home, a shower, and then some me time. I put on my comfiest clothes and picked up a new book, laid down on my bed and spent a couple of hours reading and napping. Pure bliss! You forget what a luxury that is sometimes, to be quiet and just be, nothing to do, no one to see, no place to go, that hazy, happy, heaviness that comes over you when you lay down on a crisp bed and begin to unclutter your mind.
After I woke up I went down to the video store and picked up “Forgetting Sarah Marshal” which helped shake off the blahs. Bits were stupid and predictable, but there were some lines which were truly original, and of course the full frontal guy nudity, which is astounding for any Hollywood film. I know that penises are not the most graceful bits of anatomy, but I have no idea why they are so shunned. Perhaps if they were seen more people would find them more attractive. I've always liked them in that quirky way that you like strange-looking dogs, or odd clay statues your kids make.
Once Ben is away, Naomi and I are off to do something. She needs new shoes, but it's so nice a day that we may just go to the park instead. This summer has taught us to take advantage of the nice weather while it's here.
And supper? Hmmmm... good question.....

Went over to Lysanne's last night for supper. She dove into her fridge and pulled out tons of fresh veggies and fruit and suddenly there was a meal! I helped by putting together a huge fruit salad. I was soooo stuffed! The simplest meals are often the best, especially when they're shared with a friend and a bottle of wine. We talked till late and I wandered home. I had a hard time getting out the door this morning. It's a grey day and to be perfectly honest I'm having one of those curl-up-into-a-ball-and-cry days. When these hit, and as you know they have been hitting often, I ache for that perfect hug. So far, that hug has not produced itself.
I have Naomi all weekend so that Steve can do his annual blogathon. Ben will be spending some quality time with his grandparents this week, so I fear that Nomi will be missing her favorite playmate. I'm looking forward to spending some time with just her, I think we are due for a girl day.

Newsflash

I have discovered that I don't like grappa......oof.

Dear Mr. Policeman

To the cop who gave me the ticket this morning: thanks for making my morning a bit suckier, you know I didn't deserve it and I'm sure karma's gonna get you today.
I will now try not to take your crap attitude out on anyone else.....

Dutch music and beets

Listening to the most amazing album by Marike Jager - she's Dutch. A friend there sent me a couple of songs and I'm hooked.
Work's been a bit crazy, I'm a little unfocused so it's taking me longer to get things done. For the past couple of nights I've been up late, half working, half surfing the Internet and day dreaming. I know that I need a break, to turn my life off for a week and go to a place where there is water and no one expects anything of me. I know who I'd want there too.
But enough of my dreams of vacation! Let's get with the salad!
I made this beet salad recently and it turned out really well, I've been caught up in the arugula spirit! In fact, I have a large bag of it in the fridge and I have to get busy before it goes the way of all lettucey things.


I've been doing more with beets recently and really enjoying them. I never ate them when I was a kid, but I'm making up for lost time now.
This recipe also turned me on to my new favorite thing - sour cherry jam. I'm not a jam person because I'm not a toast person, but this stuff is divine and is great for throwing into things where you want a little soury-sweet something.