A little more music

On Saturday the kids and I went to an informal concert at the St Henri town hall. It was the Serenade Chamber Orchestra, a small group of young performers and part-time musicians formed in 1989. I missed a concert they gave at Notre-Dame de Bonsecours in March, so I was happy to find out that they were doing this one, and it was a perfect place to bring the kids. Other families showed up with young children, so it felt nicely informal. And there were doughnuts, so really it couldn't get any better.



On the menu: Vivaldi, Brahms, Bartok, and Beethoven. They were also supposed to play some Bruckner, but the conductor explained that they didn't have enough time to practise it, so we all voted to hear a bit of the Bartok again.



Naomi got a bit antsy and started wandering and dancing which was fine as long as I made sure she didn't spin into one of the cellists we were sitting behind. Ben listened and then occupied himself with a superhero figure of some sort (when he didn't have his finger in his nose, sigh).



It was just long enough and then we went home and had lunch and enjoyed some quiet time and then some play time. Hopefully we will find more activities like this over the summer, they are getting to the age where I can bring them to things like this and we can all enjoy it and talk about it.

A field trip

I went to a cabane a sucre with my daughter's daycare class yesterday. We got to ride a school bus, go on a tour of the sugar bush in a horse-pulled wagon, listen to a funny man do a very unpolitically correct version of why we have maple syrup, eat a greasy lunch, dance to some live music, then eat sugar on snow. It was a cool day, but sunny, so all in all I think we lucked out. There were many other school groups there, so there was a modest amount of waiting. After lunch we were lined up outside waiting for our tire d'erable and Naomi was getting restless. She pulled at my arm and whined at the unfairness of not getting her treat right away. We all get where she's coming from. I tried to explain that we all have to wait our turn sometimes, but that logic wasn't making a lot of sense to her at that moment. So I asked her, "Is this something worth waiting for?". She stopped pulling and looked at me, and I asked again, "Nomi, is the taffy something you really want? Is it something worth waiting for?". She looked at me and nodded, "So we wait" I said, and she was suddenly compliant. I think that it's a good exercise to stop and reexamine why we want something. There are a lot of things in the world that we desire, and I have discovered that a lot of that stuff for me is essentially useless. It's taken me a while to realise that the desire for the thing is stronger than my actual need for it in most cases, and when I stop and ask, "is it worth waiting for", most of the time it just isn't. But sometimes the answer is yes, and the wait leads to a sweet reward. I'm really glad that we waited too :-)

From a tornado to a soft warm breeze, well, sort of.....

It's spring here, that means that the lovely sunny weather we have had has turned cold and grey, and it's time for a weather and progress report. The winter was cold at times, stormy, but also beautiful and clean. Things lay dormant and I focused on what was happening inside for a while. My long-term goal is to continue to become a happier person. How am I doing? What have I learned?
First of all, I'm way too uptight about stuff. That does have its good points, but I am learning that I've got to be a little less up in people's faces and that goes for me as well. Forcing the world into my square peg/round hole view is exhausting and futile. I'm trying to be more forgiving, more open, more understanding. Some days this is also exhausting, but when I succeed I feel better about what I'm doing and less frustrated with others and myself.
I've talked about my problem with hurrying before. What is my rush? I'm slowing down, letting some responsibilities go, resetting priorities. What's more important? Getting to work on time or stopping to look at something in the park on the walk across to the school? I'm also driving a little less like a lunatic and actually getting a chuckle by frustrating hurried drivers behind me. Hey, gotta have fun somewhere!
I'm taking the time to enjoy myself as well. More concerts, more evenings with friends, more conversations with colleagues, and so much more planned this year!
I am not succeeding to do this every day. Most of the time I realise that I'm being a tornado mid-whirl and try to repair my damage. When I am able to still myself I feel so good that I know I want to continue this work I'm doing. It's just taking a lot longer than the tornado part of me wants to accept.

Much rejoicing

One of my neighbours found my cat! I had to crawl under his porch and drag her out because she was too scared to move, but she's now at home, filthy, hungry, but otherwise ok.
Sometimes you take the things you love for granted, and I have spent the past couple of days thinking that I would not get a chance to say a proper goodbye to one of my best and oldest friends. She has seen me through countless men, a marriage, jobs, school, tragedies, and moments of elation. She has seen me at my best and my absolute worst without judgment or a bad word. When I have needed her, she has always been there, sometimes with a purr and a cuddle, sometimes with a bite or a whack across the head. I'm sure I deserved it all. I know that she's just a cat, and that even though I love her, she's not a person, but you get used to somethings just always being in your life and the idea of them being gone is just wrong.
She's 17, I'm not kidding myself that she will be around forever and I am dreading the day we say goodbye, but that day is not today and I sincerely hope our goodbye will be a proper one deserving of our friendship.

and now my cat's run off and I've been rejected....

Fuck this. I need violins.....

ditty

I have a feeling, it's a feeling,
I'm concealing, I don't know why

Limitless

A few weeks ago I was talking about running a half marathon in April. I heard about it in February, and thought that it would be a good idea to challenge myself and to raise money for charity. I figured out a training schedule, and it involved training every day (running or cross training), but my hectic work schedule made sticking to it impossible. I kept trying to fit it in every day and some days it worked and others I just could not find the time, or I was making the time and then having to work late at night to make up time. I realised that I was spending my days feeling guilty for not training, or worn out from staying up too late instead of enjoying my runs. Then I got sent to Sweden and that threw everything off. I managed less than a handful of runs and felt incredibly bad. When I got back home, it was time to face some facts. I'm not ready, and I will not be ready by the time the race comes around for a half. I'm going to continue to train for the half, and work up to it later this year, but for now, I have to be content to do what my body can do and enjoy what I've managed to achieve. Pushing myself further than I can go and putting all this pressure on myself is not the way I want to live. I will get there, I have time, I'm not quitting, I'm remembering that sometimes there is no timetable on your goals.

It's been a bit crazy since I got back home.
Enjoying my kids, enjoying my bed, enjoying the warm sun, running outside, no snow, my bathtub, and watching the sun rise most mornings.
There is no time for me, but I hope to fix that soon. I need a housekeeper... and a good cup of coffee....

Sunday

Last day and I'm at the office this morning. Not all the work is finished, but enough that I don't feel bad about the release. The trip has been very productive and the week has flown. I will now try to get out of here and go for a walk around the city and enjoy the people and the sunshine before I head back to the hotel and pack up for the journey home. I was considering a run, but perhaps the city will be better for me :-)

Just a little update

Things are progressing, I'm fighting off a cold, the weather is sunny and cold here and in Montreal it's warm. I hope there's some mild weather left when I get back. Haven't been running since Sunday - must try to get to the gym tomorrow for an hour.
More stuff happening, but I'm too tired.
It's all good though :-)

It's getting done, I'm barely sleeping, but it's getting done :-)

A walk, a run, a dinner

I slept in today and then got up and went to the gym, but it was closed until noon, so I wandered around my favorite parts of the city. It was a mild day, but overcast. Lots of people were out wandering around, I even saw this huge running club all training for a marathon out running the slushy, icy sidewalks.
My fav spot is that outlook on Riddarholmen that looks out on to the city hall across the water. I find it so peaceful there. I went back to the gym for a run and then I jumped on the pendeltag (commuter train) and went to see my friends Will and Annika for dinner. We sat around and laughed and talked and listened to music and drank.

I thought I'd pass out when I got back to my room, but I couldn't settle and ended up sleeping fitfully. It was hard getting up and I had so much to do today that I felt a bit nauseous. I have more work to get done tonight, so I got some supper downstairs and will stay up here despite the fact that I want a fizzy drink and some chocolate. I will drink mint tea and have some biscuits instead.
Today was rough, but it was nice catching up with people I haven't seen in a while.

Day 2 - a visit with a baby

So I got my run in and it was great! I made friends with the girl at the gym and she'd willingly sneak me in, but she doesn't work there during the week, so I will have to find another way or pay - blah.
Got back to my room, showered, dressed, and went downstairs where Geert and Jess picked me up and we went to visit Lisa and her three-month old daughter, Sandra. She's an awesome baby - cute and so happy. She laughed a lot while we were there, finding us all very funny looking. It was great catching up with Lisa and discussing all manner of things over lunch and coffee. I got back and I skyped the kids - I miss them, but it's so nice to be able to see them and always feel better after a call. Technology certainly helps with mommy-guilt.

It's like I never left

Well, I made it over but the trip was exhausting and half the contents of my suitcase got soaking wet for some unknown reason and so I have things drying every where and my room looks like a refugee camp.
I got to the airport and was told the flight was overbooked and I was put on standby - great considering I knew how completely booked the flights are for the next few days. While waiting, a huge group of high school kids came in - they were participating in some band-related thing and were very excited, oh yay. I overheard this old man talking on the phone to his wife, mostly because he was shouting. He's quite old, with one of those HUGE lower lips, talked to her about refusing the wheel chair the airline offered, his pills, what he ate at the airport, and that they hadn't called for boarding yet (they actually had called for boarding of passengers with kids and who needed help, but he didn't hear them). Guess who I got sat next to? I barely slept the transatlantic because he was wheezing and getting up and rummaging around to take pills and complaining (it's too dark, the entertainment system is hard to use, he's thirsty, the attendants aren't around....). He's going to Australia and he can barely walk. I wish him luck with the dingos......
I ended up watching An Education, which was sweet but predictable which I didn't expect from a Nick Hornby screenplay. And of course I had a window seat, so time spent staring out into space. There's that lovely time during the flight where you watch the horizon and the sun rise.That dark blue changing to yellows and oranges, the sky lightening, it's so beautiful. I think I could watch it a million times and it would never get old.
Frankfurt was great - no snow and 12C! We arrived late because of delays and deicing so I had to get downtown right away. I found the train, but there's no one to help you, and I wasn't sure exactly where I was going. I broke out my German and figured out how to get where I was going. I watched people's faces as they tried to figure out what I was saying, then they'd reply and I'd be getting one word in six. I swear that I am language disabled...
The Swedes were happy to see me though! Bless their hearts! I took the train downtown, and when I was buying my bus pass the guy behind the counter kept giving me promotional granola bars - I must have ten in my bag.
Got to my room, showered, hung up all my wet clothes, and did my groceries at the ICA downstairs. It's a bit like coming home. I know the transit system and even the layout of the supermarket. God I love the yogurt here! And granola! Granted, not as good as mine, but miles better than Montreal. The weather here is like I never left Montreal, snow, slush, cold, sigh...
My friend called last night to tell me he arranged a pass at the gym near here for me and I emailed a few people and then passed out finally.
I woke up at 8, I feel better and I'm thinking it's time for a run.

Better today. Just trying to get everything and everyone organized.
And clean my house! What a mess!

umarme mich, bitte, ich bin verloren......ich brauche...etwas... so müde....

Lista

My life is full of lists right now: lists for work, lists of documents, lists of tasks, lists of chores, lists of things I need to do before I leave, lists of things to bring, things to drop off, and a special list that got started in my brain one night and is now nearly complete. I'm not sure what to do with this last one, although every rational thought in my body is telling me to write it out and then shred and burn it.
So we'll stick to the other lists for now shall we?

How you phrase it

I was having a conversation with a friend recently and we were discussing languages (and my apparent disability when it comes to learning them). I mentioned that among the other truly not useful things stored in my brain is the phrase "I don't know how to speak Russian", which actually did come in handy one day at a pharmacy, much to the confusion of the Russian lady I replied to. He thought that was a very useful phrase, and added these to the list of ones you should know when first learning a language: "Where is the bathroom?", "What's for dinner?", "Will you marry me?", "Are we married?", and "Take me to your leader". I was reading Molly Watson's excellent cooking blog, when I came across this post. In it she talks about a very strange phrase book she and a companion picked up which included phrases such as, "your hair is like gold, but more precious", and "you dance like a fairy". I have decided that learning how to tell someone that they dance like a fairy is too good to pass up. My daughter would appreciate hearing it, and perhaps because I am a girl I will avoid being seriously injured by a man in a discotheque. So, we'll start with Swedish I think:
Du dansar som en älva.

Girls who wear glasses

It is the end of an era. A few weeks ago, I went for my eye checkup, which I do religiously every ten years. Normally I go and the doctor tells me to come back in another ten years. This time, however, was different.
My eyesight is still great, I can still read the tiniest print on the farthest card with relative ease, but my eyes are getting old. As the doctor explained it, "you know how at the end of the day after you've been on the computer working and you've been doing a lot of reading and your eyes are really tired and sometimes you have a headache? Well, that's not supposed to happen." Oh. So she fiddled with all the settings on that machiney they make you look through and came up with the world's tiniest prescription for glasses to be worn when I work at the computer and for reading when my eyes feel tired. I went with my girlfriends and picked out some frames and the glasses came in. I wore them for the first time today, and I have to ask, HOW DO PEOPLE WEAR THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME? I can barely manage 20 minutes without making myself bonkers. Looking through a layer of glass at stuff isn't normal. Seeing the edges of glasses in your vision is distracting. I got a smudge on them and my eyes started to water. I'm not even sure that they make me look smarter. And I can't look through them for anything past my computer screen, so I have to look over them, or take them off to look at anything else. On the plus side, this does make it much harder for me to poke myself in the eye.
When I was a kid I always wanted glasses, I was jealous of all the kids who had them. Now I realise why so many people get laser surgery. My friends have told me that I'll get used to it, and I know they are right. I guess I don't have much of a choice anyway. Is senility and hearing loss that far behind?