This post is hard to write because there's just so much to say that it's hard to organize. As the year draws closed, I am of course thinking about all that has happened: realising how unhappy I had become and learning to express it, a soul-searching trip, my marriage ending, moving, sorting out the kids, writing, finding my voice, stumbling, getting out into the world, learning some new lessons, realising that I'm just fine. It's been a wild ride. I think the best way to sort it out is by quoting School House Rock, "I find it quite interesting, a noun's a person, place, or thing".
PersonsPeople come into your life for a reason. I have always believed this. This year I made a few new friends, reconnected with some old ones, forged stronger relationships with many, and discovered hope and joy and new branches within my family.
I also met a few men who taught me a lot about relationships and myself, some of it amazing, and some of it not. There was disappointment, but for every ending something new is gained and begun. I know this even though some days I feel less than the beautiful person I am. The big one: I deserve nothing less than the best, most sincere, feel-it-in-your-gut love.
I discovered just how many friends I truly have this year and they've put up with the mania and the pity parties and the broken record affirmations and will have to continue putting up with it for a while yet. Sorry..... I am getting better.
The bigger one: I have so many people in this world who love me. I cannot take that for granted, it is something to be thankful for and mindful of. Relationships take effort and if you don't make the honest effort, you will not be rewarded. Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely and tired and down, I close my eyes and remember that I am loved in this world, that I have love, that I deserve it because I give it out every day. The people in my life are my greatest gift, every one there to help me, guide me, teach me, give me laughter and sometimes feed me. I love you all.
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