Wednesday, February 16, 2011

my hero

You have ridden in on your white horse and saved me so many times.
And you were there again yesterday.
Your initials are scratched into my heart because the marker started to fade.
Thank you.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Love letters

A friend just mentioned love notes, and it put me in mind to write one, or two...
Let's start with the easy one.

To my Ben and Naomi,
I cannot remember what I was like when you were not in my life. I do remember a time before I had you, I see the pictures, I tell the stories, but it is a memory without texture, a story lacking a focus, a purpose, and depth. You make me more, you make me want to be better, smarter, funnier, happier, so that I can give you more and teach you what life is supposed to be. I would be so much less me without you.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Haven't been able to write for a while. The ideas come into my head, sentences form, images appear, then as I sit to put it down it dissolves. Tonight I feel like something has to come out. I picked up Naomi at daycare today and there was a letter hanging over her hook, and the hooks of all the other children. It informed us that a wonderful teacher, Naomi's favorite teacher, and a woman I consider a friend has breast cancer and will be leaving tomorrow to start treatment. I read the first sentence and froze. I had just walked past her while she was putting on her coat and I had said a cheery hello. I returned to her and gave her a hug, told her I was here for anything she needed, and tried to put my happy face back on for Naomi as I shovelled her into her snowpants and coat to take her home. I had N give her a hug as well.

The letter said that Miss P had decided she didn't want the children to know about her illness, so when we got home I told N that Miss P was leaving on vacation and wouldn't be back until after summer was over. Then N sat down and made her a goodbye card. I wrote out what she wanted to say (paraphrasing a bit because she'd never have managed to get all she dictated on a card) and then she did a wonderful job of writing it out herself. She erased letters over and over because they weren't exactly right. I'm now cursing my perfection gene that I seem to have passed along.

Now the kids are in bed and I'm able to sit and think. I am so sad. Seeing P today on the verge of tears when I am used to seeing her so animated and happy was heart breaking. Knowing the sadness she must be feeling and everything that she has to go through tears at me and I cannot imagine a way to give her comfort. I can do nothing but cry and make food.

I don't want to start in on the "think about how lucky you are" sentiment, we all take a moment to think that. I'm thinking about the things that I should be saying and the things I should be doing to make the people I love and care about know how amazing they are and how I would do almost anything for them, and how to give more comfort to someone who needs a world of it right now.