Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
A friend just mentioned love notes, and it put me in mind to write one, or two...
Let's start with the easy one.
To my Ben and Naomi,
I cannot remember what I was like when you were not in my life. I do remember a time before I had you, I see the pictures, I tell the stories, but it is a memory without texture, a story lacking a focus, a purpose, and depth. You make me more, you make me want to be better, smarter, funnier, happier, so that I can give you more and teach you what life is supposed to be. I would be so much less me without you.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Haven't been able to write for a while. The ideas come into my head, sentences form, images appear, then as I sit to put it down it dissolves. Tonight I feel like something has to come out. I picked up Naomi at daycare today and there was a letter hanging over her hook, and the hooks of all the other children. It informed us that a wonderful teacher, Naomi's favorite teacher, and a woman I consider a friend has breast cancer and will be leaving tomorrow to start treatment. I read the first sentence and froze. I had just walked past her while she was putting on her coat and I had said a cheery hello. I returned to her and gave her a hug, told her I was here for anything she needed, and tried to put my happy face back on for Naomi as I shovelled her into her snowpants and coat to take her home. I had N give her a hug as well.
The letter said that Miss P had decided she didn't want the children to know about her illness, so when we got home I told N that Miss P was leaving on vacation and wouldn't be back until after summer was over. Then N sat down and made her a goodbye card. I wrote out what she wanted to say (paraphrasing a bit because she'd never have managed to get all she dictated on a card) and then she did a wonderful job of writing it out herself. She erased letters over and over because they weren't exactly right. I'm now cursing my perfection gene that I seem to have passed along.
Now the kids are in bed and I'm able to sit and think. I am so sad. Seeing P today on the verge of tears when I am used to seeing her so animated and happy was heart breaking. Knowing the sadness she must be feeling and everything that she has to go through tears at me and I cannot imagine a way to give her comfort. I can do nothing but cry and make food.
I don't want to start in on the "think about how lucky you are" sentiment, we all take a moment to think that. I'm thinking about the things that I should be saying and the things I should be doing to make the people I love and care about know how amazing they are and how I would do almost anything for them, and how to give more comfort to someone who needs a world of it right now.