Because dogs can't talk
It's that time of year again, the thermometer drops and all of a sudden the sidewalks are teeming with dogs in stupid sweaters. Dogs, if left on their own, do not wear clothing, contrary to the popular poker-playing pooches. There is nothing more stupid-looking than a dog in a sweater, and the dogs know it. You see them walking down the street with their heads and tails tucked down, hoping that none of their dog friends recognize them. The average dog wearing a sweater does not stay out long enough to require one. In fact, I would think that the thickness and stupid-looking factor of the dog sweater is probably directly proportional to the cold tolerance of the owner, the old "I'm cold, you go put on a sweater" routine. I wonder what dogs would choose to wear if they did decide that clothes are a good idea? Probably something smelly and sweaty, not pink and cutsie with a matching hat and booties. They don't understand that the bone pattern knitted on the sides is adorable, it's merely a restrictive garment that they tolerate so that they can go outside and take a piss. What's next? Little down vests on chickadees and hats with flaps for squirrels?