If you're not a mommy, then you'll have a hard time relating to this one. When you are at home with small children, your own personal hygiene tends to take a backseat. You find yourself rubbing your tongue over your teeth at 2pm trying to remember if you brushed, wearing yesterday's socks and sweatpants because they were next to the bed when you woke up at 5am, and wondering if you'll ever be able to actually 'do' your hair again instead of just throwing it up in a ponytail. Your baby doesn't want you clean either. The minute one of your toes hits the inside of the bathtub, she immediately awakes from that deep nap she was in and demands that your smelly body come and pick her up before she bursts into flames.
It's at this crossroad that you have to make a decision - remain sweat-encrusted, or attempt to shower before your neighbour calls child services. Welcome to the mommy shower, the ability for moms the world-over to clean themselves in under two minutes. Long gone are the luxurious 15 minute showers using shampoo and conditioner. Mommy showers are direct, get straight to it affairs involving a flurry of activity with a bar of soap as you longingly gaze upon the lovely scrubs and loofahs, body washes, lotions, and face cleansers that remain untouched on the shelf since your baby was born. Never mind the foot soaking beads you got as a baby present from some thoughtful friend when your little treasure arrived, your feet will remain unsoaked until they hit puberty.
On days when I am completely out of the mommy shower zone, I shower after supper when there is another adult for my children to torture while I stand under the water trying not to hear the baby screaming while the toddler rattles the bathroom doorknob, anxious to run in and whip open the shower curtain and babble and point at the water and shampoo now stinging my eyes. During one recent experience, I remembered the Jetsons. Do you remember George Jetson's conveyor belt morning ritual? Why hasn't anyone invented that yet? What are you smartypants people out there waiting for? What I wouldn't give to push a button and in minutes be washed, dressed, and styled with a cup of coffee and a paper in my hand! One thing's for certain, when it does happen, it will probably be invented by a woman.
2 comments:
I asked Paul for a shower pump (to increase our water pressure) for Christmas so that I could wash/rinse my hair in far less time. I kid you not. Did I get one? Nooooooooooooo.
Believe me, one day you will once again shower in peace. Long soaks in the tub, undisturbed, however, will have to wait until you're in the nursing home.
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