Saturday, September 05, 2009

Psycho in the closet

I have a lot to get caught up on here. Assume for the time being that work has not changed - I'm tired of complaining about it.
I had a recent brush with rejection, a brush because it wasn't a complete rejection, just a reaction to the complete lack of control I have at times. How should I deal with that? My first thought would be to apologize, but I don't think that I can do that anymore. When I go a little crazy, I have a reason. There's a secret we all know: we're all insecure. Perhaps from now on when I get like this I will just come right out and say it instead of trying to be all fake confident and then turning mildly psycho; it's probably far more useful in the long run.
It's also time to brush off this horrible week and get on with it.
It's hard to start meeting people again after so long in a relationship. It's especially hard when there's a person out there who is still my heart and who, apparently, still has a place in his heart that is mine alone.
There's nothing I can do about this but let myself feel what I feel and move forward and trust that the universe is giving me what I need.
So, do I decide to be honest with this man from this point on, enjoy what it is, but at the same time let him know that my psycho-ness is just occasionally part the package? Do I decide that I shouldn't see him at all? I guess if he can't deal with the psycho, there's no going forward, which is a shame because for a short time it felt nice.

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