Saturday, February 13, 2010
Good enough redux
Ok, hate to go on about this again, but....
There's been a lot more talk about that Gottlieb book/article, the latest I've seen is in The Globe and Mail (Leah McLaren:
My advice to married women out there: Suck it up).
"Suck it up. Be glad, if you're married, that you have a husband. Provided he's not a violent, gambling drunkard who just got off with your best friend, I'll bet that he's just fine. In any case, you made your bed, so lie in it. Better yet, roll over and make love to it. You may not think you're in the mood, but, trust me, you'll be happier if you do."
Yes, I suppose there is something to be said for treating your marriage like "running a small, tedious, non-profit business", yes, marriage is not exciting every day, but if it's just a business arrangement, why not treat it as business and then allow moonlighting on the side. Wait, what's that you say? You have to accept that it's a practical arrangement AND expect your spouse to be faithful and only want and desire you after entering into this arrangement? I think we are losing some perspective.
Love is not sucking it up, it's a feeling, and you can't make it or earn it or create it in others; it's there or it isn't. Sure, you cannot have that "bodice ripping" passion all the time, but there has to be something there after all the mundane and difficult bits of life come out that makes you light up when you see that person, that thing that makes you smile even after you've heard your lover fart in bed for the zillionth time.
Love is not an arrangement, love is not a business, love is not a consequence to bear.
Good enough may be a little less lonely, a little more convenient for a while, but how on earth is it good advice?