Thursday, December 17, 2009

Mind, matter

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

I love this quote because it sums up, and at the same time excuses, my life.
Sums up because I am an open, sincere person who blurts out her feelings and has a "life's too short" attitude; excuses because sometimes I make mistakes and I'd like to believe that the true people in my life are the people who are still around after I express myself, when I implode, and when I really need them.

For a while I stopped being this person. I've learned the importance of saying what I feel the hard way, a way that ended up being a lesson for more than me. It's hard to say what you feel sometimes when you think that your truth will hurt others. It's difficult for people like me, overly sensitive to others, to realise that I'm not doing anyone any favours by holding my tongue. When I have stopped telling people how I feel, my relationships with those people have died. You have to be able to say anything to the people you love and know that they will always be there for you, not turn away. It takes a lot of courage sometimes to take that leap of faith. I have a very good friend who I have confided in over the years who has never minded anything I have said. It's strange because in many ways we are not close, but I know that I can look this person in the eye and say anything with complete faith that this person will be there the next day. That is a person who matters. I want to be a friend like that.
I am resolved to say what I feel now, no matter what, and it has brought me some upset recently. A friendship failed and I failed to judge the sincerity of the friend. I said exactly what I felt, I was completely honest, but in the end it was with a person who didn't matter. I guess I'm a little wiser for it, and I know now that I still have the capacity to forgive and move on.
I'll be the person who matters from now on.

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